My Love/Hate..Mostly Hate Relationship

es, I know I swore I would not sing about love again....especially if it does not exist but I can't help it, I had to take a moment to share some deep feelings that I have been having lately.

I am in a deep struggle right now, I am currently going back and forth, falling in and out of love. I look at pictures of how it used to be and how happy I was with you and I think how easily it could be to go back, except it wont be. That part of my life is over and I have to accept it; things can never be the same. 

I keep pretending that I am okay, I've moved on and that I am so much better now. I tell myself that I am just doing what is natural, but the truth of the matter is every time I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror I feel as though I look a little different, a little off. It is obvious that I am not the same and this relationship has changed me for life. I know I will learn to love this relationship again but today is not that day, in fact instead of lamenting about my loving feelings toward you I find myself just saying...

Product Overload

urrently I am on the natural girl struggle;  I am falling into the trap of buying every product that any YouTuber/blogger suggests.What I have found is that trying a few things here and there is good and then just going with what works best for me. I think I have found some things I really like and that has been great. I am trying not to buy anymore products of things I already have but I am on the hunt for a great styling/holding product.

So far I am 6 months post relaxer and I have to say I am not missing the relaxers. I checked out the new growth the other day and I absolutely loved seeing my natural curls and waves comes through {it's so pretty when it's wet}. Another bonus is that I get to wear wigs tee hee; I like to consider them fashionable hats! Wigs are so functional, they are instant hair, style and mood changer,  AND keep your head warm!

It has been fun playing with things to do with my hair and I have already tried a couple on my own! One thing about going natural, it is ALOT of work! For 27 years my mom has done my hair {or paid to have it done} for anything more than a flat iron or ponytail but going natural {and living away from mama dukes} has made me become dependable on myself. I did my first roller set over break and that wasn't half bad, the only problem was that it was a little frizzy and didn't last. I got some great advice from some friends and copious amounts of YouTubing! I tried my very first flexi rod set recently and I LOVED it! I was sure it was going to be super jank but as I took out the rods the curls were so cute. My friend Barbara suggested that I try bantu knots as well; so that is up next of things to try.  I have learned so much new lingo in the last couple of months!

With my best-friend's wedding approaching I am trying to figure out what I am going to do... wig, weave, other??? I think I will just cross that bridge when I get to it in May. Check out my completed flexi rod set  beeeelow!

Step 1. Flexi rods are in!

2. Fully dry and remove rods

3. Pulled and stretched and styled.

Long Hair Don't Care

Yea so that is a lie, long hair I DO CARE! I should have put it on my list from the beginning because it is something that I have been thinking about for a very long time. So I am putting in an addendum this is item 27b.  I always get to a point where I have stopped getting relaxers and my hair gets nappy and I swear this is it and then I get talked into taking another hit of the creamy crack! Well NO MORE! I have decided to finally do it! to chop of all my dry , treated hair and go natural. For those of you who don't know what that means, look it up in urbandictionary.com....I keed! It means that you cut out all of the processed hair and your naturally untreated hair remains.

There are many ways in which to do this, none of them include a magic serum that will strip your hair of the relaxer and leave beautiful kinks in its place along with your length. The fastest processes requires what us black girls like to call the "big chop" this is where you cut off all the relaxed hair and leave your natural nappy roots in its place. I finally decided that I was ready to let my length go and work on having thick beautiful natural hair again. However, my mom talked me out of the BIG CHOP  and for now I will be growing and cutting, growing and cutting until all of the relaxer is gone. I cut a couple of inches off this weekend in areas that needed it. I hope to head to the salon this week to get the rest of my head done.

I never realized how much of my self worth and beauty was wrapped up in my hair but as I thought about it the more I realized that I really did not take that good care of my hair and often had stylist, family members and strangers tell me "you know how lucky you are, people would KILL for your hair" I would often give them an awkward smile and mumble a quick "I know and thank you" and brush it off and continue reading my magiaze making sure my eyeroll was covered by the JET beauty of the week. I know that I have a lot more to offer than what is on my head and if some dude can't see past that then he probably has a small penis and I don't want to be associated with him juuuuuuuuuuust kidding! Large penis guys  can be stupid too. But seriously he isn't someone that I want to spend time with because his pea size brain couldn't keep up with my beautiful bald head. I look forward to a year of fun wigs and hair styles and never having to have a burnt scalp again!


ps- I will claim this as the first thing I have begun working on on my list! #teamwinning LEHGO!

                                     Check out some great hair moments! So long!

nice and fluffy