You Never Realize What You Have Until It's Gone

First I want to say that no one has died (I realize the title of this post is a bit ambiguous)! All of this talk and excitement that has been generated due to my  approaching (very fast approaching) 27th birthday has really allowed me to think about my life and who I am as a person. I think for the very first time I am comfortable in my own skin and even though I question my position in life I have few regrets. I've learned to feel beautiful in my {plus-sized} jeans but more importantly to be proud of the voice that I have learned to use. I bet you are wondering where this sudden rush of joy and strong fierce attitude has come from? It is simple: it came from a realization of exactly how lucky I am due to my experiences. Let me try and make some sense!

Background 

I spent the last two years working for an AmeriCorps program called City Year. I worked full-time in schools tutoring kids. City Year is a program that is all over the country and it uses service to make a positive change. My job was hard. The kids were rough, the hours were long, and the pay....well let's just say non-existent. However the things that I gained from my time with City Year are numerous and have infinite value. I can't put a price tag on my experiences. I have to say that I made some of the best friends of my entire life in this program. Working every day in tough settings with the same people day to day really does something to a person. I love my team mates more than words can say. The kids (as bad as they were) changed me in ways that were more than physical. Yes I dropped 2 pants sizes due to running up and down flights of stairs in heavy ass timbs and pants made of some material that did not allow for circulation of air but those were all physical. The biggest changes were all inward. My experiences in the school and with my team helped me become a much more dynamic person.  I fell in love for the first time, that may not sound like a big deal but falling in love wasn't something I thought I would do EVER. I figured I would be destined to live a life of spinsterhood playing the role of bridesmaid and making a home with my dogs. But my students allowed me to open my heart and feel for the first time and even though that "relationship"did not end well I do not regret any of the decisions I made in it. I will take the lessons learned from him and it and move on to the next one. The thing that is important here is that it HAPPENED, I allowed myself to go there and I was happy.

the 09-10 X team at the White House

Pool fun with the 10-11 Xers

 The POINT

 You can probably guess by now where I am heading with this. Like most good things in life, City Year had to come to and end; my time in the school laughing and crying with my teams came to a close in June. At that time I was so happy to be done and move on but as of recently as I have spent time with my former teammates and now friends we realized how lucky we were in that time. That idea could not have rang more true than this past weekend when I went to a Halloween party with some of my City Year friends. It was such a fun time, at one point in the evening we walked down the street to invite some neighbors to the party. The neighbors were around our age and were not too happy to see a handful of people dressed in an array of crazy costumes on their front step. Needless to say we were not well received, as I looked around at my band of misfits I wondered what the deal was? I mean I was in a pink wig and my friends were the black and white swan (The black swan happened to be a 6'5 blonde man) what could scream FUN! more than that? Then it hit me! The rest of the world doesn't live in the utopia that is City Year. When I got back to the party I took a moment to look around at the guest in attendance; it was this beautiful sprinkling of people from all backgrounds: Black, Republican or Libertarian, Indian, White, Gay, Straight, Poor, Rich, Alligator! and you know what? It didn't freaking matter! No one cared that Jeffrey was in 7 inch stilettos prancing around in a tutu and no one cared that Jay-Z was dancing with the Hillbilly Handfisher! We were just people, in a moment enjoying each others time. I think it hit us all the next morning as we recapped the night because the rude neighbors incident was talked about at length. It was kind of moving when we all paused and rested on the same thought "you never realize what you have until it is gone". I just never thought about the people that I spent the last two years with as being anything but my friends that I loved dearly. They have all helped me deal with issues and prejudices that I didn't realize I had. I don't think I will have that again in life. City Year goes to great lengths to promote diversity and at times it seems a little forced but it isn't until incidences that express the ignorance of people that your realize that City Year knows what it's doing. 

So this post is for City Year as a way to express my thanks for the people that bring me such joy in life!

TC ladies

X and Hart = Cousins

<3 My Xers and the extended family, Luchie, TC Ladies, tschlang,  Black Swan, White Swan, and even MDH. The simple fact that I can call these people my friends means that there is hope for the rest of the human population.

THE white and black swans

                                         Thank you!