What Was Old is New Again!

I was going over some old blog posts from my old blog and I found this one called "Actions are regrettable...but are feelings?" Sometimes I am blown away by my level of deepness, and I had to repost it, see what I mean below!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Actions Are Regrettable..But Are Feelings?

Game Changer - any action that changes the direction or outcome of a game or activity
 
Okay so I just pulled that one out of thin air but I felt that it sums up a shift in a friendship. Yes, this is the same friendship that I raged on about a few posts ago. Those feelings were raw and passionate and though all may not have come from sound mind they came from the purest heart. My friend and I talked and worked our shit out, but he said some things that cut a little deep. Not painfully but honest and though I don't want him to be right he was. It is funny how my feelings changed once looking at things from a different point of view..his. Communication really is the key, it can unlock so many dead bolted doors. 

Game Changer- I fell unknowingly hard and expressed it knowing that he couldn't be about that. Duuummb! I'm pretty good at expressing feeling and to do so with a person who isn't so good, leads to confusion. I don't regret the feelings but I regret expressing them because although we're good, we're different. It hasn't been established if it's good different or bad different but that air of carefree inappropriateness is gone and in its place is left a grey area of caution and censorship. His precaution for my feelings and fear of leading me on and my censorship of overtly sentimental comments that are too reminiscent of a loving intimate relationship. That's not what we are; point.blank. period. The funny thing is neither of us are particularly "loving" people, I don't like to be touched most of the time so to refer to us in any kind of romantic way is kind of laughable really. I don't think you can label a friendship like ours, its ever changing and analytical, complicated and raunchy and carefree and easy..well it used to be. I say we can go back to the way things used to be, he says we can't. You know how you have definitive moments in your life, like "I was this way before this happen and I am this way after". I wonder if our friendship hence forth will be like that "before heavy awkwardness annnnnd after"

So in that case I had to ask myself can one regret a feeling? The conclusion I came to is no. Your emotions are consistently changing, kind of like water colors. If you add more water it dilutes the paint and the pigment isn't as strong. If you add a new color it never quite looks like the original color but the change is made, no going back. When the paint dries you still have to appreciate the picture and I think I do. At that moment in time I felt those feelings and was overwhelmed and thought I should share them. In hind sight that was poor judgment on my part and this is where the regret steps in, but I learned a good lesson and at the end of the day, I can't be upset with a chance to grow. With this experience I've grown at least 3 inches, or maybe that's just the imaginary pair of Christian's on my feet.