With Every Heart Beat

This past weekend was the 5k walk/run for the American Heart Association. We gathered both generations of X members plus some friends and raised money to help fight heart disease. The walk was great, a little cold but we all had such a great time. We walked in love and happiness and celebrated some awesome dads. Together we raised just about $3000 dollars for the American Heart Association which is absolutely amazing! Thank you to everyone who donated!

As you know I spent the last two years working for City Year and those two years were two of the most life changing years of my life. I got to work with amazing people and did so much in such a short time.  I have posted about my experience before and I probably will again because those people mean the world to me. I fully expect to experience all of my teammate’s weddings and have them experience mine. My teammates from my corps year and I often discuss how it came to be that we ended up with each other; the only answer I have is magic! We were absolutely magical because we all loved each other so fast, you would have thought we knew each other for years. Simply, we became a family.  We fought like a family, laughed, loved and cried as a family. It was even more special for me to bring X 2.0 into that family!

I will often say that it took tragedy to truly forge the special bond that we had. During my corps year two of my teammates lost their dads to sudden heart attacks; those are days you never forget. You remember where you were, what you were wearing what the air smelled like; it’s almost like you were taping and can play it back at any time.  So many things in this city are reminders and send me hurtling back in time to those days. For Shannon we were on Thanksgiving break and he experienced his loss away from us but it was still heart breaking for me, who was miles away. To know Shannon is to know an amazing person but most importantly an amazing MAN; he is smart, quiet, thoughtful and kind. I always feel a sense of calm in his presences and seek his ear for guidance. He has become a brother to me and it was hard to see this man struggle in his thoughts. He asked us to go about business as usual and he would let us know when he needed us, I can only imagine it must have been a comfort to him. His was always the hand I could expect to squeeze under the table or the one to pass me a note {preferably one with a robot} during a rough meeting just to make me smile and I remember just wanting to be that for him in his loss.



Sha’s story of loss, similar in sadness is a bit different. She lost her dad on a regular work day. The team was out at a professional development with the teachers at our school and then we all went to lunch together and headed to Browne to lend our hands in their beautification day projects. I lovingly call this time simply BEFORE. The AFTER is a blur for me of fast moving scenes but scenes that I remember down to the color of the paint on my brush {it was blue}. My roommate Anna kept calling me and I thought that was weird since we were busying doing work and I remember thinking she should be painting a wall too not calling me. I hit ignore and kept on painting. Moments later Anna came around the corner in hysterics, not making too much sense. When she finally caught her breath between sobs I got “Shajenasdadjustdied”. I dropped my paint brush; literally it fell from my hands because I was in shock. I remember running through the Hogwartian School that is Browne frustrated that I couldn’t located the City Year room {I swear the hallways kept changing}. When I found Sha I just remembered she looked so small {she actually is a tiny person} which is weird because she is this larger than life personality. Everyone knows her and loves her and it is warranted because she is truly one of the most phenomenal people I have met in my life. I looked at her and just sobbed, I remember saying “this can’t be true, you’re supposed to go salsa dancing with you dad”. Sha put her arms around me and patted me on the back and simply said it is going to be okay, then I burst out laughing; we both did. Here we were the two of us and she is consoling me when she just lost the love of her life. My team spent the rest of the day in the Browne CY room in silence, just in utter shock and sadness. That is a time that I think we all will remember, at least I know I will.

Kristin’s story is another of sudden loss; her dad passed away this summer. I remember being up late unable to sleep for some reason so I got her email telling us what had happened, first. I had to have read her email at least five times because I could not believe it. How could this happen a third time? Daniel called and we kind of just mumbled to each other on the phone for a bit. It was nice hearing his voice; I didn’t feel alone even though we were not physically together. For me it is another process of grieving for a friend who has lost their loved one, but for them it is life shattering. To Kristin, family means the whole world; they are not extensions of her but pieces of her that make up who she is. It was fitting that she got hired at City Year Denver so she could be back with her beloved family. I definitely said to myself on numerous occasions through the thick of it, thank goodness she was home with her family.

Dads are an important part of our lives, sometimes I think their importance gets overshadowed by mothers but maybe because of my lack of one, I know how much they are wanted.  I  remember feeling guilty for the thought I am about to express but here goes: It doesn’t seem fair that Shannon, Sha, and Kristin all lost their dads, their heroes that they loved so much and I have two dads I can barely stand, don’t think about and have written out of my life. I guess those feelings are even more reasons why I need to take the steps to make amends with my patriarchal figures. I might not get the chance to express it later.

I am glad that we got come together and honored Mr. Smith, Mr. Erazo, and Mr. Hubbard.  I wanted something that allowed all of us to come together and not be sad but happy, and we were! We laughed and talked and walked on a sun-filled, albeit cold day in November. At the very least I get to celebrate their lives because their children are in mine and I am so thankful for it.

X and Friends!